Stretching Cry

Today I cried a stretching cry. You might be thinking what does that mean?  Maybe you're thinking, really Hillary, another weird metaphor? Yet, more likely, you're thinking "I don't exist. Who does Hillary even think is reading this blog post with a name like Stretching Cry?"

Well, today, I had a very negative interaction with a parent over the phone. It basically involved them calling me too young and then calling my professionalism / skill set into question. It really hurt. Since then, I've been storing up this big cry session. It's been threatening to come out all day, but it really was just scattered showers before the big event.

I worked my normal hours (from 6:45 to 8:30, obviously) and when I got home I decided to relax and de-stress by making myself cookies (fat kid). In the middle of making my cookies I got sidetracked by helping three kids via text with my physics lab. I wrote down examples on pieces of paper, took pictures, and texted it to them to help them see how to do it. I felt exhausted but I did it. Then I got back to my cookies just minutes before I received a phone call from another student. I spent about 40 minutes helping him to help a friend with their math homework. It was difficult to respond the way I should after the 20th and 21st question, but I kept at it.

After I got off the phone, I was just in time for a scheduled personal issue (not related to school) where I was forced to either be my best self of suffer the consequences. Surprisingly, I rose to the occasion yet again. Exhausted I crossed my last finish line (unless you count making cookies, I still haven't quite finished that...sad day).

Then came the big event.

The tears. They were the kind that come from the gut yet don't make a sound. They were the kind where your face is stretched so tight that pressure builds in your cheeks and forehead. The kind where your whole body is pretty tensed up, all focusing on the main event, the crying.

As I was crying, I reflected on my day, and identified the feeling as being stretched. It matched my physical and emotional feeling at the time.

Today I was stretched. I was pushed past what I thought I could handle and then given an extra few issues to deal with. It was painful but I survived. I'm stretching and growing. And sometimes that comes with some trials and some growing pains.

Hopefully, now that I'm all stretched out, tomorrow won't be half as painful.

Itchy Sweater

Some days really aren't that bad...compared to how they feel in my mind.

It might have been because of high expectations, but today just felt like a mini-series of unfortunate events. It was one of those days when cords just wouldn't reach the outlet, when there just wasn't quite enough space on my students' guided notes, and when the alarm went off right in the middle of my dream. Why, alarm, must you take away my sacred REM sleep?

Lots of little complaints from my students and lots of little complaints from me. Sigh. It makes for a day like one of those sweaters that isn't so itchy you don't buy it, but it's just itchy enough to bother you all freakin' day.

Enough with the whiny metaphors. I'm ready for tomorrow!

Here is my funny story for the day:

I brought cookies for my advisory student of the week this week, and he promptly sold them to the highest bidder. $6, in case you were wondering, is the going price for a batch of snickerdoodles with all of Ms. John's pride and love baked into them. I didn't know whether to feel irritated that he sold them or flattered that they would sell at all. So I chose to laugh...but also, mainly still feel a combination of irritation and flattery, because let's not lie, I'm not decisive enough to just choose laughter.

Here is my positive text for the day: 
Some of my students are extra amazing and are planning to retake the ACT again. They remind me every day how much hard work can pay off. Here is yet another student re-enlisting to study for the ACT all over again. I guess he has nothing else to do...since basketball season has been over for all of 4 days...

Positivity Dump

I know, I know. Another loving, braggy post about my students. It's getting old. If you aren't interested, definitely skip this! Don't look back! Don't look the beast in the eye.

I feel right now like all the time and effort I have put into building these relationships with my kids is really paying off. To be clear, I have L-O-V-E-D them from day one; that is not something I've had to work at because my kids are amazing. But, relationships are much more than that. They are listening and time and trust. At times, it's taken a lot of my energy to give those things.

As I said, I have been trying really, really hard, and I don't just love my students anymore, I feel truly close to them.

This is a positivity dump with screen shots of amazing texts from my students mixed in with some hilarious selfies they've taken on my phone. All of these texts are from within the last 7 days. So you will probably begin to see why I'm feeling good right now. (The selfies are about 95% of my selfies from the whole year, just to clarify)

Starting with my personal favorite...I just love how indifferent he looks in this picture. Makes me laugh.

 

 

 

  Oh man, these texts give me the feels. Reading them makes me feel like I'm starring in a Disney movie (preferably as Jasmine, because we all know she's the best).

I know that next week, and over the next few months, there will be many moments and days where it's more this:

than this..

I've had so many moments where I have failed and I had to pick myself back up. Lessons failed. Exampled failed. Bullying discussions/interventions failed (don't get me started on that one). But with these beautiful, climactic, now we can play all day in the sun moments I think I could make it through Ursula's horrible scary song a million more times.

I don't know if I've shed more tears in pride and validation or fear and frustration at this point. And that's a huge growth since last semester.

All I Do is win win win

If you've seen my facebook account recently, then you know that my school's basketball team won districts. 

We also won our game tonight, Monday, and are headed to regionals on Wednesday. This whole tournament confuses me. I keep getting misinformed/confused about which game is which. But still, we are working our way steadily through the tournament. 

These boys have been making me proud all season both on and off the basketball court. They're all A and B students in my class and genuinely great people. This is a group chat we all shared where I texted them a picture of my facebook status.

(You'll have to bear with the formatting...because I am the worst...And I've already spent more time on this than I should)

My theme song right now. If you are sensitive to inappropriate music videos, then just listen, please don't watch. I don't want that innocent blood on my hands.

Biggest Loser

On Friday we got to take the whole senior class to Dave & Buster's (link just in case you don't know anything about it, like I didn't). In short, it is Chuck E Cheese for adults with an arcade and adult food. It was a reward from my principal/superintendent for reaching our goal of 100% FAFSA completion by our students. This was a huge victory for us, one that the teaching staff poured a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into.  

It was great to see my students have unadulterated fun. This wasn't fun tainted by physics problems or concepts, or fun combined with stress in a real competition. This was just fun. I don't think they get that a lot.

My students got free food (quite a spread actually) and game cards to play. Although we ran out of game cards and I sacrificed mine (I'm really quite the white knight, in case you didn't know), I did manage to drink my weight in Diet Coke and convince a few kids to use the 'minutes' on their card so I could play them.

From the competitions I did participate in, I earned a reputation for being the biggest loser. I literally lost every single game from air hockey to basketball to car racing. I tried to start a rumor that I was letting them win, but to no avail.

At the end of the day, I got a picture with 19/21 members of my advisory. One student was absent and one was still in the arcade when it was time to go (which I figured out right after this picture). In this picture, they are all holding out their dog tags with their cap and gown pictures on them. I'm wearing one that a student gave me. I'm also laughing because the girls said I looked too nice in the picture and that I needed to look hard. This was a pure joy moment.

For the record, there's Will, Dawan, Delionte, Chris, Larry, Mikel, Keyon, James, Montay, Eric, Leon, Jeremiah, Adafa, Trevon, Dionta, Jevon, Dorian, Will, and Cameron (Korin in arcade and Alexis absent)

First Place

On Tuesday of this week, we performed the "Horsepower Challenge" - an activity designed by my mom for her class. It involved my students implementing their own strategy in a competition to get the most power while running up our school's stairs (physics talk).

My students got pretty into it, and it was entertaining watching all of them run full speed up the stairs. Seeing a few kids eat it was even better. It was all the senior class could talk about for the whole day, and the rumors of who fell and how they fell got increasingly dramatic over our hours in school. At one point, I heard a junior telling a freshman how seniors in pre-calculus were pushing each other down the stairs with backpacks on...so, yeah, that's pretty close to the truth. I wasn't going to correct them.

To tap into their competitive side, I offered 1st prize ribbons to the team that won in each class. My kids tried to pretend they were too cool for the ribbons, and then two seconds later, they all desperately wanted them. Those kids wore those ribbons around for the whole day.

Pictured is one of my favorite students and advisory members, Larry. His team won, and he asked me if we could take a picture so he could post it on Instagram. Too much pride in this picture.

IT'S OVER

Today was a rough day. It probably felt especially rough because I've had such a good last few weeks with my students. So, when they weren't perfect today, I wanted to throw my papers in the air and give up. I said some things I shouldn't have said, I felt some things I shouldn't have felt, and I definitely cried a lot of tears that I can't get back (dehydration). Most of them all over the upholstery of my car - gave it a good wash (silver lining? you decide).

It is what it is. I'm done with today. As my students always yell out, "It's over!" Give me another day.

Along these lines, I did have one of my favorite students act rudely to me today. He also told other students he was "over Ms John" (me, hopefully you knew that), and that he didn't like me anymore. It's probably pathetic how heart breaking that was, but I've worked really hard to maintain a relationship with this student. I love him and brag about him constantly. He has grown so much this year, and it hurt to think that one day could erase all the other good days we've had.

At the end of the day, I felt broken as I got ready to drive home. Unfortunately, the feeling was familiar, like coming home again to my hellish September that I thought I'd escaped forever. Then I got a text from that student apologizing for his actions today and promising to be better tomorrow, saying that there was no excuse and he wants to start fresh.

We aren't defined by our mistakes. We are defined by how we respond to them. Lucky, that's true or else all of us would have F's in the gradebook of life. This student made a mistake, but he admitted it and will correct it in the future. I came away actually feeling more proud of him than ever before. It surprised me that it was possible.

I made mistakes today too. And I can respond like the student. Admit them (lackluster planning and no sleep) and pledge to be better tomorrow (I have already finished planning for tomorrow, and it's only 11:13. Booyeah!) I can be better. I will be better. I need to be better.

Ms. Wonderful

Today, I had a really long 13 hour day in school and still have a few hours left of work to do at home. Sigh. In the car, I had a student texting me asking for help on another teacher's assignment. After begrudgingly helping the student, I was complaining to Ben about it, and then I got the text in the picture.

Then in my response I blatantly lied and said I was 'glad to help'. Sometimes my students know exactly how to remind me in 30 seconds or less that my whole day was worth it.